Thursday, February 1, 2018

The Root Cause of My Loneliness

Came across an article that was talking about how lonely it can get for people growing up, especially when social networks have been shrinking over the past three decades. But in that article, there was one part that mentioned how instead of finding ways to counter our loneliness, we should figure out why we are feeling that way.

I guess..

I'm just tired.

Tired and disappointed of all the failed relationships, friendships.. people who let me down in life, friends who became strangers, and even family problems.

I just don't see how I can move on to love again, trust again and just be a person again. People usually say I can be quite sensitive, and if that's true then this, even more so, would be harder to move on from. Trying to find my way in life, but yet the more I search it seems the more I lose my way..

I hate how the world is so messed up, how my country is so messed up, and how people are growing colder day after day. I still remember the days when it was OK to just talk to people, but now everyone's just too busy, or could not be bothered at all.


I know, this is one big ass rant, but I really needed to get it off my chest. Hey if anyone who feels lonely is reading this, please, just hit me up if you ever wanna talk or meet up, because I kinda need it too :)


Sunday, November 5, 2017

Deep Mode

Hey all! As the title suggests, I'm back here again because I've entered the #deep zone. hahaha. Yeapp, so I was going through lots of old photos, old vids, old blog posts and pretty much just reminiscing on the good old days. But as I was going through, it made me realize more and more just how much things have changed; and I don't mean in terms of appearance, but in who we are. Then I posed myself the question: Did I change for better or worse? Unfortunately, my subconscious replied the latter. I forgot. Forgot many important things that I learnt growing up, things that made me who I was, things that the world took from me. I guess that's one of the main reasons I come back to this blog every now and then. Because it's a memory den, and also because I can be reminded and remind my future self not to be consumed by the world.

Well, that's what's on my mind currently. Aside from that, been really busy in the past few months. Took part in Asian Battleground which was always what I wanted to do ever since I first saw the TV programme when KTNK was still competing (back then it was Astro Battleground). Was a bit disappointed to find out that this year, it was no longer Astro BTG and instead, Asian BTG with a different concept (i.e. less sponsors and no international trip T_T ) . But yeah! We made it to the Finals where we'll be competing against different crews from countries all over ASIA. This probably marks the biggest achievement in my dancing life lol. It has been a really tough journey with endless nights of training (literally till 4AM sometimes) and body aches, injuries etc. But hey, NO PAIN NO GAIN! It's actually funny because I wasn't really fixed on joining this year. Kinda just did it on a whim xD. I went to the auditions because Alson was going and decided to just try my luck and see if I was capable of getting through the auditions. In the end I dropped 2 subjects in Uni and participated hahaha.

Been learning a lot more about dance, hip hop, people and life through this competition. Think I found a little more direction :)

Till next time .

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Just FEBulous

Sup sup. So its a brand new year, February is here.. well actually its almost over but yehh. I would say its been an okay start to the year so far. CNY was better than I expected, got to hang out with lotsa long lost friends and such, was pretty fun!
Back to uni again, which isn't so great =.= But ya know what, I'm gonna face this semester with all I've got and hopefully with a better perspective :)

Growing up is pretty tough aye. The world isn't as pretty a picture as we thought it would be, well, at least I used to think so. However it does have its own beauty in many aspects. Family and friends for one, are the light at the end of the tunnel to me.

Hmm, lately I've been really troubled with an issue in mind.

We all have something that we want to achieve in this world, whether its a dream job, girl, grades, or maybe success in our respective passions. But I've come to realize that dreams are (obviously) difficult to achieve. And in this world, where everything runs on money, the two coincides. I.E. achieving your dreams takes not just effort and passion, but also money.

Then on the other hand. turning into a money-crazed person isn't exactly desirable. So here I am, in a dilemma. Should I chase after money or my dreams? Well, I still don't know the answer to that. So I'm just gonna keep surviving until the day I figure that out. GAH, the struggle is real.

Ok la, I don't really have much to say about it actually. In other news, gaming has been exceptionally more fun in the recent months. Just finished installing Dark Souls 3 :) Time to put in the hours

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Into A Downward Spiral

Hi guys, as the title suggests, I guess you can tell that my life hasn't been going so great. Ever since the start of this semester, lots of things haven't been going right. Ranging from lecturers to coursemates and even my syllabus. Just everything seems to be going wrong... Sigh. Been really struggling to keep my good conscience these days. Its really evident that Uni is the main cause of my emotional and mental trauma, because when I go to church or anywhere else on the weekends, I feel completely normal.

The overwhelming stress is really taking a toll on me. Imagine having to deal with your whole class who is prejudiced against you just because of one or two guys who have an issue with you, not just for one day, but five days a week (which sums up to 24 hours of classes per week). On top of that, needing to handle the craziness of 6 core subjects... While also struggling with a couple of incompetent lecturers. I've come so close to the point where I've had enough of all this. Never in my life did I think that I would want to quit something, especially not studies. These of course, are just thoughts at this point. Obviously, I would not want to jeapordize my future and my parents' investments into my education. But I really am considering to take a year off studies just to refocus my life and finding the direction where its headed.

These days, everything seems so blue. Not sure if its just my outlook or whether the world is actually becoming a colder place. Being a Christian, sometimes I wonder if having a career even means anything at all lol. According to the many signs, it shows that the end times is now and that at any moment, He would return. It makes me wonder if I am really living right. All my energy seems to be invested in other things like studies, computer games, movies, social media and other secular things which kinda doubles the stress that my mind is going through. GAAAAAH. Don't know anymore. Just really don't know what to do.

My family thinks that I'm depressed (which I probably am lol) which I could tell from the way they've been treating me lately. I mean, well, they've been treating me extra nice (not that they didn't before) and always having that "concerned" look on their faces.

With all that said, I just want to share that, often times, we fail to realize what others are going through. The way you treat someone can really affect their lives and I realize now that the root cause of this world's problems lies in selfishness and arrogance. The world as we know it, is growing colder and colder each day. Don't let the fire of love die out, I urge you all to love others with what strength you have and rebuke any form of hate towards anyone. Please, don't conform to the pattern of this world or rather, stop being a part of the herd. Don't hate someone because others do. Get to know someone before placing judgements on them.

That's all I wanted to rant about. Yep. Nobody likes to read sad stuff but hey, that's the reality of life. Ain't no happy times without the bad times. Peace out.

Friday, August 19, 2016


A little late with the title, but yeah, its 2016 lol. Besides that, it's currently 2:47AM and I have to get up for work tomorrow in 4 hours. Quite bad timing to suddenly have the urge to blog haha. Well I always come back here at the weirdest moments and hey, I'm probably the only one who reads my blogs. But somehow it feels reassuring to always come back here as though it's some kind of secret place of memories XD

Lots has happened in the past 2 years. Can't believe that 2 years has already gone by and soon to be 3 years!! :O Pretty freaky that I'm turning 21 this year. Sigh. Getting old already :(
So let's see, in the past 2 years, I completed college, started my degree in Mechanical Engineering; not a fan but it'll do for a decent education. Currently halfway through my degree and man, it has been tough. Not just on the academic aspect but also on the social, psychological and mental aspects. Besides that, I got into my first relationship which did not end so well. We were both not ready and not right for each other. Don't really wanna get into that but yeah, on the bright side, I learnt a lot about relationships and what I should or shouldn't do in the future one(s).

My dance crew PLZ disbanded too. Kinda sad about that but I guess we're all growin' up and starting to get busy with our lives. We still do hangout occasionally though. Ahhh dontcha just hate growing up.

ANEEWAYYZ, don't wanna sound so depressing!! It's true that bad stuff has happened along the way but there were tonnes and tonnes of good times too. I can't exactly recall everything since it's almost 3AM but a few of the good things were that I've been getting blessed with awesome results in uni, God has provided for me financially, emotionally and mentally throughout my circumstances; I've growned to know God even more than I did before, and overall I'm learning more and more each day. Learning never does stop, and each day I hope that I'll learn something new, something I didn't know before, something that propels me forward in life towards the true purpose of my being here. So far what I've got is that this life was meant for us to have fellowship, with God and with people, and to learn what true love is. No, not the "butterflies in your stomach love", the sacrificial love that Jesus displayed on the cross.

I'm really hungry right now.. like as in for food. Gosh it'll be bad to eat right now but I think I have to coz my stomach can't handle all this blogging. BRB.

Okay cools. got my food. Ok now I'm actually directionless with this post. I guess it was supposed to be an update of my life but I don't know what else to say. Ehhhh.... or rather I just don't feel safe to share personal stuff anymore -_- Oh screw it, I'll just vaguely express myself here. So there was this girl which I had a mini crush on who apparently had a bf but returned "questionable" signals to me (I found out abt the boyfriend part very much later on) . But yeah, great huh? Don't know why some girls do that, like c'mon if you already taken just say so. Don't go giving the wrong signals just for the thrill of being chased. You're wasting their time and their efforts. I've decided to just stop looking for the one and let God be God. Decided to live normally and if one day I meet the right one then yay, but if not then too bad. Looking for the one only added to my pile of regrets in life. I wasn't ready, did not have my intentions straight, and sad to say, quite superficial. But life goes on and I'm definitely moving on day by day.

Alright, I think I'll stop here because I really don't think I'm blogging right -.-" Feel like my paragraphs and just random explosions of thoughts. Maybe next time.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Hi There.

So hello guys. I'm back with another post after a lengthy 7 months.. as usual. lol! Hmm okay well heres whats been going down recently. I've been busy with 3 things, mainly college, dance, a lil bit of music, and all my other little hobbies. I'm currently in my 3rd semester of foundation in science. The first two semesters went pretty well I think, and it wasn't as hard as I imagined. But well lets put that aside for now, what I really wanna blog about is from my heart.

As you guys know from my previous posts I've been having a little difficulty with finding purpose and motivation to life, or to the things that I'm doing. And in these 7 months I actually found a solution to that. Although its quite personal, what I can share is that, the key to living a happy life is to be truly happy with yourself. Thats the first and most important step. Now I know you might say that you can't be happy with yourself because or many various reasons, but ask yourself, is there something about yourself or something you're doing that you're not particularly happy about? If yes, what can you do about it?

This was the approach that I took. I wouldn't recommend trying to change how you look coz that would probably leave you with an unsatisfying feeling. However, you can change your actions. I put in a lot of effort, conscious effort, to try and change those things and in the end I really experienced a whole new me. I was happy again, smiling more often, treated people with more love and related with them more than ever. Its like everything just started getting better gradually. And trust me when I say this, when you are happy with yourself, you will start to look in the mirror and think you look great. SERIOUSLY. I'm not even joking when I say that I started to think that I looked more handsome over time lol! Hahahah. Well anyway, the bottom line is, try to change the way you live, and not the way you look.

Now I used past tense to all I've said well because, I actually went back to my old ways and everything good just started going down the drain again :( it sucks.. but I guess that's life, you know sometimes you're gonna fall face flat to the ground time after time. We ain't superhuman. But at least as humans we know how to get back up again and again. So don't ever give up even if you fail. Even if you think you're gonna fail again, FAIL TRYING. This life is an uphill race, and you're gonna roll all the way down if you give up.

Wow, alright I just went #deep mode. Haha. Now for more relaxing stuff, heres a picture of me and my niece;

she's the cutest niece i've ever had (i've had 1 niece so far)

Alrighty I'm gonna leave this post as it is, don't wanna drag a speech too long. Oh yeah, remember to drive safe everyone. Those extra minutes could cost you your limb or your life. It ain't worth it. Just a random advice that came to mind.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Must I think of a title every single time D:

SUP. Just wanted to blog and share about my day today.. well actually my past 2 days. Today and yesterday went by pretty fast that I actually thought today was Monday -_- (its tuesday btw i think) So in these 2 days I met some really interesting people who I talked to and these 2 people really inspired me and told me something that I needed to know. And I can't help but feel that this was a sign from God. I mean, look at my previous post. These 2 people popped out of nowhere the next day after that post. In my opinion, coincidences like these are just God's way of working in our lives.

Alright, now I'll tell you about the first person I met. Her name is Juliet, she's from China and studying in my college. As I was walking alone through college heading to the gym, passing the cafeteria I spotted one of my friends, Shun Ling, from the vocal class I was attending. Trying to be friendly, I walked over to talked to her and at the time she was with her friend Juliet. So I didn't really expect anything but just a casual conversation like "whatcha doing", "where you going later" or "hows class", but to my surprise, something more meaningful happened. I was introduced to Juliet who seemed a little introvert but somewhat sociable. I don't really know why but I grabbed a chair and decided to sit down and have a chat with them. We had small talks here and there, got to know each other a little better, and after a while, Juliet started opening up and sharing more and more about herself and her ideals. She just seemed so different and unique in her own way. I just kept thinking to myself about how she had a special perspective about everything.

So staying to listen, she said many things which I could relate to. Juliet talked about how she was a selfish person, who always thought she was the best and that she could do anything without help from others. Because, that's how she was raised and also most of the people in China. But then, she realised that whatever she did, there was still an emptiness that somehow couldn't be filled. After that, something happened to her which gave her a huge wake up call. This caused her to take some time to think and re-evauluate herself. In desperate search for an answer, she read many many books about psychology. She said that, the important thing in life isn't about what you do, what you achieve, neither how much money you can make rather it is about the people you meet in life, and the relationships you have with them. It is about the interaction with the people around you that makes life special. In the end, what is the point of having all the success and money in the world when you end up all alone? Wouldn't you want to share that with somebody? As she said this I felt in my heart, that this was what God was trying to tell me. This was the answer that he had for me.

She also said that she is naturally a shy and introvert person but there is like another person with a greater potential inside of her, telling her to go out, talk to people, make friends and ensuring her that she would be great and people would love her. She said, don't care whether people think you are beautiful or not, whether you're good enough or not, just be you and get out there. As narcissistic as it sounds, a little self-motivation and self-esteem really helps a person, especially if they are naturally shy and introvert. Little do people know, I actually have little confidence in myself and low self-esteem. I don't believe in myself. So hearing this really helped me. A lot. When she was talking, I realised that I was paying such close attention to every word she was saying, even though her English wasn't very good but I seemed to be able to understand everything. And before I knew it, almost 2 hours had already gone by and I had to go home coz my dad already reached my college. The things she said really gave me a lot to think about.

OKAY! Now then, the other person which I had a similarly interesting and meaningful talk with was.. Daniel Lee! The 2nd Malaysian idol! Hehe. He just so happened to be the vocal coach of the vocal class I was attending in the programme 'Do Not Thing' After like 4 hours of singing practice, we went to have dinner. There he shared about himself and his beliefs. I was really inspired because even though he is a celebrity but he is so nice, kind, humble and isn't money-minded like most celebrities are. He coached us for so long and even arranged for an extra class (and i think he's doing it for free). Just by seeing the way he teaches us, you know immediately that he's really sincere in what he does and that whatever he is teaching is straight from his heart. So I asked him, what was his motivation and why is he so humble? He told me that, he wasn't always humble or who he is today. He was just like any other snobbish, money-minded, arrogant celebrity in the starting of his career. But after a while his career started going downhill until one day he just broke down (similar to what happened to Juliet) and he did reevaluation as well and decided to change himself and his ways of thinking. Daniel said that, if you do something just for the money, in the end the only thing you will get is money. If you do something just to satisfy others, in the end you won't be satisfied. But in whatever you do, if you do it sincerely from the bottom of your heart, you will find the satisfaction and joy in doing it. And also his principle is to be sincere to others and help them to smile or be happy. He wants to use his singing to be able to inspire and touch others.

After hearing all this, I feel so much better because I now have a direction, a guideline. I know what I should do and what I should aim for. Although some people might not be able to relate to whatever they said, the things they said really cleared the haze in my heart and mind. So just wanted to blog about this so that I could look back at this in future :)
That's bout it. Keep your head up. THINK POSITIVE for the mind is powerful, and whatever you think will affect the way you live.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


Nowadays I just don't know who I am anymore..
I'm changing into a person I don't want to become.
Sometimes I just can't talk to anyone or relate with anyone.
What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things.

God help me, help me to love like you love us.
Teach me to be like you, convict my spirit to mirror you.
Make me a person you can use to shine your light.
Break me , mould me , make me. Amen.

Friday, June 28, 2013


Kay! So, I've started college.. and it wasn't really what I was expecting. I thought that college was like high-school but 10 times the fun and freedom. Hahaha. Guess I was badly mistaken. Feels more like a big-ass tuition centre. My first couple of weeks there was torturing. Staying restless for so long without anything interesting to do was like being cut slowly from the inside.
But later on, it got better la. Started joining the very very few activities and clubs that are available in Segi, and it paid off! Met a bunch of new people, and I got more involved in the college society. Joined the gym, music club, anime club and Christian fellowship altogether. Hehe pretty exciting dontcha think? ;)

Cool right! hahaha I look like a professional xD
Besides all that, assignments and lab reports have been piling up and its not like highschool where I can just forget about homework. In college, shit gets real, its either you do what you gotta do or you screw up your life. Seriously, I have never been this hardworking in my life. Gosh... okay actually I don't really know what to type about coz I'm extremely tired :S

I apologize for the potong steam,
good night.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013


Yoooz! Its a new day peeple. Been pretty busy lately with college and stuff. Its like every morning I have classes till late afternoon. Geee, its like highschool all over again except more tiring! In college everyone is like so uptight and like jaga image kind. Guess I'm not used to all this yet lol! Anyways while eating lunch my sis just now ka mun came out of nowhere. So yeah got to catch up with her and well, talk about things. And a little later isabelle also came out of nowhere. Lol what an amazing coincidence. Hahahha.

Gosh. Well its nice to see some old friends again after so long and just have a nice talk. Oh and I met this girl today who was just sooo friendly that even though we just met she made me feel as if we've known each other for a long time. Haha! I should seriously learn a skill like that. Its so cool how people can be so friendly sometimes, I'd just get awkward and run out of things to say or talk about lmao. Haiz fail mee.

Aite just a short fast update. Supa tired gonna hit the sack.

Friday, May 24, 2013

No offense.

You know how people say "No offense" right after offending a person? The irony of it right? Lol. Now days more and more people just wanna be the nice guy or gal who doesn't offend anybody just to be loved or accepted by society. But you know what I say? Heck it, if you aren't pleased with something or someone, SPEAK OUT. Its better than just wearing a mask and getting along with someone you don't like. Of course offending a person isn't a nice thing to do, but being a hypocrit ain't very nice either.

The key word here is honesty, if you got something not nice to say about a person, say it to that person, not everyone else. To be honest I'm also giving myself a dose of my own advice. Its so hard to be completely honest with people and to tell them how you truly feel. I'm a guy who doesn't like confrontation. But I learnt that it is necessary for any relationship whether between family,friends or gf/bf.

Anyways thats all I wanted to rant about. Just got back from a exhausting day of basketball and dance prac. Oh and dance competition tomorrow PLJ crew at Publika! Hope we do well :D

PLJ ALL DA WAY !!! Peace out.

Friday, May 17, 2013

My blog name.

I just realised that I've been posting quite a lot about me being emo and depressed... which is SO contradicting to my blog title 'SMILE' LOL. Ahhh crap, maybe I should change it to 'Frown' and like, play really saddening music. Heh. Hmm by the way just a thought came to mind.. maybe the reason I feel purposeless, bored and lost is because life is like a game, where in the game after you reach the maximum level and have done all the quest and whatever there is to do in the game, you just get bored of it. Hahaha. It kinda makes sense for me coz I'm quite a hardcore gamer and I get really bored of a game after I've completed it.

Well, not saying I've done everything in life, but I've done almost everything I set out to do ever since I was young... I NEED SOME NEW INSPIRATIONS! Any ideas? Hope I'll find it soon or I'll start going craazzy. Ok well that's all I wanted to say. Ciao.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Start of something new.

Hey guys! I'm back with a new post in like.. 4 months! Which isn't too bad actually. Haha! So hmm, these past few months have been somewhat interesting and yet extremely BORING. Oh mai gash. Ever since SPM, I had been on holiday for a pretty long time and most of my days were spent gaming, facebooking, youtubing and just lazing around the house. But as of right now, I have finally entered COLLEGE. Man, time seemed to have just flew out the window. One moment you're entering highschool and before you know it you're already in college. Oh! GOOD NEWS, I received my SPM results in March and.......*drum rolls*

I GOT STRAIGHT A'S!! Wooooooot. 5A+ 4A and 1A-

Seriously, this was definitely definitely a blessing from God. If you actually read my last post you would see how unconfident I was in my ability to score for exams. Ahaha!! When I heard it at first I thought it was too good to be true but yay! Thank God. Because of these results my parents, relatives, some friends and even some strangers were overjoyed about it... especially my parents lol. My dad bought me a piano which I had always hoped for ever since I was small and my mom said she'd buy me a car (woot) . Studying definitely has its rewards peeps ;)

Anyways, life has been getting pretty tough lately. Not because of anything specific events or occasions but simply due to my mentality of it. I have no idea why, but I seem to have this negative image about life and this world. Its not like I want to, but it feels automatic. I mentioned before that I was still trying to find that better perspective about life (which I still have not) and when I try to do so I feel like I'm just lying to myself. People always look at me and think that my life so great just coz I do a lot of things but to be honest I can't feel the same way hah. I'm becoming emo and depressed.. argghhh its so annoying. Dayum man, forget about all this emo and sad shit. Lets talk about something more happy.

Hmmmmm, okay maybe I'll post some pics :D
These are the few events since 2012 to 2013 (shit I should be doing my chem homework)

   Genting highlands show! (1 week)

Can u spot me? xD

Andddd AUSTRALIA!!!(see below)

its koala bear.. omg so KEWT.

                                                                        Gail and steven!

We brought kungfu to aussie.

                                                                         More kungfu.


Camel riding~

the beach there is SUPEEER NICE AND CLEAN!!

Sooo australia was pretty awesome.. did many fun stuff there! Too many pics to post haha. Now back to Malaysia...

Hyperactive crew first performance

I got short hair! lol xD

The 4 siblings :)

Birthday in studio x)

More hyperactive performancess

Im Superman.


Totally suited up.

Hyperactive dance concert!!

LED suits. damn cool.

Christmas eve show prac.. which tak jadi btw :(

APYAC 2012 !

Meanwhile I sempat go for flash mob during apyac. hahaha

Christmas and sister :)

Chilese new year wif teh famileh.

Karaoke wif teh famileh.

Japanese buffet wif hypehacteve.

Yukidance in der house.

Bai Nian wif these hyperactivity people

Wedding proposal flash mob for our dear fren :)

The happily married couple! woolala~

SPM results day! (one of the happiest day of my life i think)

My class monitor.. and pretty awesome guy :)

Celebration dinner with grandmama.

Easter dance performance in Glad Tidings xD

ooo yeaah ;D

Anugerah collection day in school

Wif da boyzz

Wif da Hyperactivez.


I'm Done.

I dunno why I chose to do this over my Chemistry homework.. oh wait.. I do know.. coz homework sucks :(
So yeah.. these are the happenings of my past 2 years. And you're probably wondering, how can this guy be some emo shit right? I KNOW! I'm thinking the same thing LOL. Oh well... what to do. I need to get myself some happy juice. So if you got some please share with me. I'll be grateful :) Ok that's about it. Until next time. Tata.